You know what frustrates me?
I keep seeing posts telling women to “find a man who can take care of you.”
And listen, I absolutely want a man who takes care of me. I just think being “taken care of” means something different than the way we sometimes talk about it.
Somewhere along the way, we’ve made that phrase almost entirely about money. Can he pay the bills? Can he provide? Can he support a certain lifestyle? And finances absolutely matter when you’re building a life with someone.
But when I think about being taken care of, money isn’t the first thing that comes to mind.
Ecclesiastes 4 says that if one person falls, the other can reach out and help. Because the reality is, at some point, one of us is going to fall. People get sick. Jobs disappear. Money gets tight. Families struggle. Grief happens. Plans change.
So I think about kindness. A man who is self-aware enough to recognize when he’s wrong and secure enough to apologize. Someone who can stay grounded when my emotions have me flying all over the place. Someone who can be the string to my kite.
Not someone who keeps me from flying. Someone who keeps me grounded enough that I don’t disappear into the atmosphere.
I can handle my own bills. What I want is to know that when life gets hard, we are a team.
And being a team means there will be seasons when one person has more to give than the other. Sometimes I’m going to have to do the taking care of.
But there is a difference between carrying a man who refuses to stand and standing beside a man who is fighting to get back up.
Partnership isn’t exhausting yourself trying to build a life for someone who refuses to participate. But I don’t think it means abandoning someone the minute life knocks them down either.
Sometimes he’ll help me up. Sometimes I’ll help him up. And honestly, sometimes we’ll both just sit on the floor together for a second.
Then we’ll figure out how to get back up.
Together.
Maybe being taken care of isn’t finding someone who guarantees I’ll never struggle. Maybe it’s finding someone I don’t have to struggle alone with.
And I want to be that kind of partner too.
Because being taken care of is a two-way street.
If it’s only moving in one direction, it isn’t partnership.