Sometimes healing doesn’t change what we do. It changes why we do it.
I’ve been thinking about getting braids again.
I’ve always loved braids. They’re beautiful, versatile, and let’s be honest, a whole lot easier than maintaining this head full of curls every day! Well, easier after spending hours in a chair and handing over a small fortune. 😂
But as I considered getting them again, I realized something.
The reason I’d choose braids today is very different from the reason I chose them years ago.
What I Was Taught About Beautiful
In January 2023, I wrote a post titled Help! I Think I’m Racist!.
It was an uncomfortable admission about the beliefs I’d inherited regarding race, identity, and beauty.
Growing up, I heard messages about “good hair” and “bad hair.” My mother even encouraged me to marry a white man so my children would have “good hair.”
I got my first relaxer at ten years old. For decades, straight and smooth hair was what I considered beautiful, acceptable, and presentable.
Eventually, I decided I didn’t want to relax my hair anymore.
But deciding to stop chemically straightening my hair and feeling comfortable wearing it naturally were two entirely different things.
I was afraid of being perceived as visibly Black.
Even writing that now makes me uncomfortable.
But that’s how deeply those childhood beliefs had taken root. I’d associated certain expressions of Black beauty with something less desirable. Something I wasn’t supposed to want for myself.
The Braids I Loved and the Hair I Hid
So I got braids.
And I loved them!
But they also served another purpose. They allowed me to stop relaxing my hair without having to wear it naturally.
For three years, I enjoyed my braids while my natural hair grew underneath.
Every time I took them out, I loved seeing how long my hair had gotten. But I still didn’t like the texture. It wasn’t smooth enough. It wasn’t straight enough.
My natural hair was growing, but my definition of beauty hadn’t caught up with it yet.
And here’s the thing. I wasn’t spending every waking moment trying to overcome my insecurities about my hair. I was simply living my life, enjoying my braids, and allowing my hair to grow.
The decision to stop relaxing was intentional, but the emotional transformation wasn’t some all-consuming project.
Until one day, something shifted.
Instead of wishing my hair were different, I became curious.
What would my curls actually look like?
And that curiosity opened a door I hadn’t been ready to walk through before.
Learning to Love What I Once Hid
I started experimenting with my curls. Products, techniques, styles, and plenty of trial and error!
And somewhere along the way, I fell in love with my natural hair.
I began seeing beauty where I’d previously seen something that needed correcting.
But loving my curls didn’t instantly erase decades of conditioning.
I still worried about how people would perceive me when I changed my hairstyle. Would I look too different? Would people prefer one version of me over another?
For much of my life, changing my hair in ways I associated with Black culture carried a weight it never should have carried.
And those beliefs don’t simply disappear because you’ve discovered a good curl cream and learned how to use a diffuser!
I’m still unlearning.
The Freedom to Choose
Which brings me back to why I’ve been thinking about getting braids again.
This time, there’s no hidden agenda.
I’m not looking for a way to avoid my natural hair or make myself more acceptable.
I simply love braids!
And sometimes I’d really love to wake up without having to negotiate with my curls before I’ve even had my coffee!
I love that I can wear my natural curls today and choose braids tomorrow.
I’m still learning not to worry about what other people think. But I’m also learning that their preferences don’t have to determine my choices.
And that feels like freedom.
Earlier this month, I wrote The Verse I Never Tried to Memorize, reflecting on Psalm 118:5 and how I’m still discovering what freedom looks like in different parts of my life.
I never imagined I’d recognize another part of that journey while contemplating something as ordinary as a hairstyle.
But perhaps that’s how freedom works.
Sometimes it arrives through dramatic breakthroughs. And sometimes it shows up quietly, when a woman realizes she no longer needs to hide the hair growing out of her own head.
I don’t regret those three years in braids. I loved them, and they helped me transition away from relaxers while I found the courage to embrace my natural hair.
They were part of my journey.
And if I decide to get them again, I’ll love them just as much.
But this time, I won’t be using them to hide.
I used to wear braids because I loved them and because they allowed me to hide what was underneath.
Now I’d wear them simply because I love them. And I love what’s underneath, too.
Same braids.
Different woman.
Still healing. Still unlearning. Still discovering what it means to be free.
Have you ever realized that something you once did out of fear or insecurity is now something you can choose freely? I’d love to hear your story.